my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
