You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
