how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize