I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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