mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
