My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
