you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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