sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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