She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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