i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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