Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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