I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
