You're so nebulous sometimes
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
