Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
