So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
