the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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