No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
