I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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