Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
