he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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