did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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