She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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