She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
