i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
