i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
