bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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