Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
