I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
