so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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