I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
