There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm like, not good at living.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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