It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
