i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
