Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
