he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize