You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
