I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
