Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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