pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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