That's intense
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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