need another drink. this is the easiest way
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
