you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
