I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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