dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
