omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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