Don't you send me to vm
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
