Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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