OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
