I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize