you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
