i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
