I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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