If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
