I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
