Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
