Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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