no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
