he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
