You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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