No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
