so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he puts the penis in happiness.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
