Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
North Korea, Best Korea!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
