I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
