we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
