you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
