I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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