i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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