im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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