your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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