based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
