her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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