Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
