The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
