So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
