even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
