You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
