How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
