Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize