i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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