If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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