So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
