I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
