she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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