How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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