I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
there is glitter all over my balls
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