another moral hangover. fuck.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
