Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
